There and Back Again: Middle Earth and More

It's the ultimate honeymoon destination, or so that's what travel agents would have you believe about Bora Bora, the final destination of our trip. In an attempt to save the perceived best for last, we placed Bora Bora smack dab at the end, because if the tales are true, the place is so unbelievably beautiful that everything else would surely disappoint in comparison. Apparently, Bora Bora has the magical ability to render even the most beautiful spot in the world, downright ugly during a side-by-side comparison.

Deep down, we hoped that the myth of Bora Bora was true, as our departure from Fare Vai Nui left us both saddened, having to leave such a wonderfully hospitable place. The only possible cure for the depths of this malaise would be the depths of the brilliant shades of blue found in Bora Bora's lagoon! However, there was no guarantee that we would even see the vistas that everybody talks about, since this is French Polynesia's wet season, meaning that the potential for cloudy skies and rain could dull the brilliant scenery.

Soon after arriving in French Polynesia, and despite some miserable rain in Moorea, we quickly realized that we had lucked out with the weather - it had barely rained since then, and if it did, it generally didn't impact us in any meaningful way. But not only that - it's usually been sunny, and the cloudy periods never lasted for more than a few hours, at most. In fact, any locals with whom we discussed the weather commented that the weather was much better than what they were usually accustomed to, at this time of year.

Sometimes, things have a way of working out, and our fears of being stuck in French Polynesia's most-beautiful island while cooped up inside of an over-priced overwater bungalow never came to fruition - aside from a few slightly cloudy periods, the weather was fantastic for nearly the entire duration of our stay. From start to finish, the experience was everything that the myths surrounding Bora Bora purported it to be - complete and utter luxury and indulgence!

It all starts with the pimped-out boat shuttle to the hotel, that picks you up from Bora Bora's airport, if you can stomach the high cost of it - while our first inclination was to take the free Air Tahiti shuttle to the main town of Vaitape, from where we could catch an inexpensive boat to the Hilton, we were put off by the long connection time. Would there even be anywhere to sit or store our luggage at the port while we waited? Is there a bathroom we could use? Not knowing the answers to these questions, we opted to go all out and spring for the shuttle, since it was our last few days in paradise.

After our arrival at the Hilton Bora Bora Nui and the obligatory welcome drink, we were promptly brought to our room - another stroke of luck, since we were concerned that our 10 AM arrival meant that we would be stuck waiting for hours while the previous guests checked out. As our golf cart left the main building, I was a little concerned, as it had turned the wrong direction, away from the cheaper hotel room accommodations we had booked for the first two nights, and went straight for the overwater bungalows ...

I had a quick flashback to the Fare Maeva in Huahine, where we had booked a cheaper room, and lucked out into an upgraded bungalow, only to find out at check out that we were charged the higher rate for the bungalow - while that turned out to be a simple error that was easily corrected, such a mistake, if not fixed quickly, could turn out to be a very expensive one at the Hilton, as the price difference would be in the hundreds of dollars per night, and not just $20 or $30 like it was at Fare Maeva.

"This is correct, sir - we aren't very busy at this time of year, so we didn't want to trouble you with changing rooms after two nights. We've upgraded you for the duration of your stay." Cha-ching!!! Talk about getting lucky - our entire three-night stay at the Hilton was an unbelievable amount of good fortune! Not only did we get a free upgrade, but we scored essentially almost two extra days in the room, being allowed the early check in, and also a 5 PM checkout since the Hilton didn't want to rush us out before evening flight!

But it didn't end there - the entire resort was eerily-deserted when we arrived, devoid of any people other than workers, which was quite shocking, considering that the Hilton has rooms numbering well up into the 400s. We first rationalized this as being due to the relatively-early hour - perhaps guests were sleeping in, away on excursions, or simply wouldn't be checking in until the afternoon flights arrived. But we later found out that there simply are hardly any people here during the low season, with the Hilton staff joking that right now, there were likely more workers than guests!

Probably the most guests we ever saw at one time in our four days and three nights was 20 people, during dinner at the Hilton's only restaurant that was open at this time of year, with most of that number being a family of ten. Whatever we did - snorkeling around the bungalows, lazing around the beaches, napping in a hammock, or cooling off in the infinity pool, we were usually the only two people around. The Hilton ended up being our own little private island, in the grandest stroke of luck imaginable!

Even the resort's included daily activities were somewhat laughable - a lot of times they didn't seem to be happening, simply because of a lack of people. The best might have been the exotic flower arranging, where guests could make leis and flower crowns - at the appointed time, there didn't seem to be any instructor around, until an older lady showed up with a bag of flowers, and seemingly out of breath. We figured that, due to a lack of interest, the flower arranging wasn't going to take place, and the poor lady had to scramble to come up with a bag of flowers when we showed up!

Bora Bora was where we broke away from our Tahitian routine of touring around the main island one day, and doing a lagoon excursion on the other day - we really didn't leave the Hilton other than to do a short snorkel tour, and for lunch and some souvenir shopping in Vaitape, Bora Bora's main town. Despite French Polynesia being renowned as a fairly lazy vacation destination, it has been quite hectic so far, with many early mornings for activities and to catch flights, so trapping ourselves in our beautiful overwater bungalow for a few days and night was far from the worst thing possible.

I've always been skeptical about the whole Bora Bora experience, one that is seemingly all hype with little substance - it seems that the insinuation is that your life is incomplete if you never have the opportunity to spend a night in one of their overwater bungalows. While there may be some evidence to suggest that Bora Bora might be one of the most over-marketed destinations in the world, it truly is a special experience to sit on your own private patio, admiring the contrast between the white sands and azure waters, as you dive into the cooling waters at your feet.

Bora Bora ended up being the perfect finale for our honeymoon, a rare instance of the best laid plans not only coming to fruition, but actually ending up even better than what you could have possibly imagined. But was it really worth the cost, and did it live up to the hype? Hard to say ... all we know is that it was a pretty unforgettable place ...

Flying Over French Polynesia

Bora Bora's Cute Little Airport ...

Envy ...

Two-Toned Waters of Bora Bora ...

Sunset Over the Lagoon

Black Rocks Beach ...

Infinity and Beyond ...

Cute Little Church

Nice Daily Stroll ...

Dead Quiet ...

Crystal Clear Waters ...

Polynesian Bling - Flower Crowns and Leis!

Leave It To the Pros ...

Our Home For Three Nights in Bora Bora

Snacking in Paradise ...

Yet Another Lazy Afternoon in Paradise

Sailing the Two-Toned Waters of Bora Bora

Pulling Up to the Hilton ...

Presidential Suites ...

Asian Tour Group Invading Our Bungalow ...

Honeymoon Freebies ...

Making Flower Crowns ...

Last Night in Paradise ...

Dinner Companion

The Clouds Finally Came ...

Chasing the Fishies

Buddhas Bidding Adieu to Bora Bora

Not As Pimped Out ...

Welcome Drink For the Buddhas ...

Simple Picnic ...

Buddhas Wanting Some Privacy ...

King Crab Salad ...

Raiatea Smoked Swordfish ...

Almond-Crusted Seared Tuna ...

Suckling Pig ...

Aloe Cafe ...

Hoping For Mahi Mahi ...

Tuna Sashimi and Tartare ...

Picnic In the Bungalow ...

Papaya w/ Fresh Shredded Coconut ...

Fried Croquette ...

Shrimp Coconut Curry ...

Catch of the Day ...

Revisited Bounty ...

Bora Bora - Home of the $37 Cocktail ...

More Perks During the Off-Season ...

Last Meal In Paradise ...

Excellent Tuna Tartare ...

The Last Tabu ...

Surprisingly Good Airport Cafe ...

Much Better ...

Barney's Beanery ...

Taco Time ...

There are two main reasons to visit the little island of Taha'a - for its vanilla farms, and to eat its famous coconut crabs, considered to be a delicacy by locals. But while we had no trouble finding a vanilla farm to tour, we had no such luck with the coconut crabs - it turns out that they are found in the Tuamotus, a group of islands and atolls that are a helluva lot farther away from Raiatea than the short boat ride we took this morning! Taha'a ... Tuamotus ... they sound similar enough, right? The visit to the vanilla farm was definitely the highlight of today - it's always interesting to see the places where foods you normally take for granted are produced. It seems that only in recent years has vanilla even been given a form, now that usage of the actual pods in cooking has increased significantly - it's no longer just a bottle of dark liquid that you dump into your bowl of banana bread batter; it's become something far more gourmet in culinary circles.

Vanilla pods are incredibly expensive, and the reason behind that quickly becomes obvious when you witness firsthand the amount of time and effort that goes into its production. Waiting six months for it to mature on the vine before hand picking, then the subsequent steps of killing, sweating, drying, and conditioning the pods ... it's no wonder the stuff is so bloody expensive, especially when all of these steps are done in a place with such a high cost of living!

Beyond the vanilla tour, our excursion to Taha'a seemed to drag on way too long - while great value, being by far the longest of any of our lagoon excursions, I think we reached our limit for snorkeling today. There were several stops that seemed to go on and on, with the last few dips we took becoming increasingly more like chores than anything enjoyable. The last one was through a very shallow coral garden with fairly strong currents, so we spent most of our time dodging coral formations, and getting fairly scraped up in the process, since we couldn't simply just float over top of them. If there was ever too much of a good thing, it was today, and we felt particularly bad for Jean Jacques and his son, who had probably waited over an hour at the port for our return from the Neverending Lagoon Excursion. After such a long day of snorkeling, we couldn't wait to get back to our little bungalow for some wine, some more fine dining, for our last sunset in Raiatea, and most importantly, to do anything else but more snorkeling!

The Usual Suspects ...

Arriving at the Champion Pearl Farm

Neat Colonial House at Champion Pearl Farm ...

Just Another Cute Little Motu

Vanilla Beans ...

Cool Tree House ...

Afternoon Nap

Two-Face ...

Hairy Hermit Crab ...

Bidding Adieu to Our Fave Tahitian Hotel ...

Green Brain AKA Kaffir Lime ...

Value Proposition ...

Pain Perdu and Sausage ...

Fresh Papaya and Pineapple For Breakfast

Light, Fluffy, Eggy Muffin ...

Good Multi-Grain Buns ...

One Final Lagoon Excursion BBQ ...

Fried Clam and Shrimp Back at Fare Vai Nui ...

Chinese Poisson Cru ...

Deconstructed Crayfish w/ Ginger Sauce ...

Tahitian Coral Wine ...

The weeks of good eats up to this point have been very kind to our stomachs and hearts, but not so great for our waistlines! That's always the challenge of traveling, resisting all of that restaurant food, something that is even more difficult in a place with the incredible variety of good eats like NZ, and to a much lesser extent, even French Polynesia. Luckily for us, the high prices of French Polynesia are a bit of a deterrent, but we've still managed to stuff ourselves during the first week here.

There are two primary causes of overstuffing ourselves in French Polynesia, the first being staying only a few nights in each place, so buying groceries for breakfast has been a challenge - invariably, we end up buying just a little bit too much, and thus need to find a way to cram it all down on the last morning, so as not to waste anything. The second cause is the biological imperative of all Chinese people - to obtain value!!!

We simply can't help ourselves at a breakfast buffet or at a BBQ on a lagoon excursion - we need to get our money's worth, damn it, even if it means bursting our stomachs!!! Another piece of chicken? Sure! Some more grilled fish? Bring it on over! Another bottle of beer? Hell no, bring me two!!! The problem is exacerbated by the high prices of everything here, because there is the additional justification of "We can save some money on the next meal if we stuff ourselves now!"

So it was with a sense of relief that we arrived in Raiatea this morning, and checked into the tiniest little family-run hotel imaginable, Fare Vai Nui. Staying anywhere outside of Raiatea's main city, Uturoa, means that you're stuck eating at your accommodation most of the time, if you don't have a car. We've quickly learned in French Polynesia that you need to carefully choose where you stay, if you want to have good meals and still be convenient to activities - that's what led us to Fare Vai Nui, because of all the sparkling reviews online, extolling the hotel's accommodations, service, and food prepared by the wife, Chantal, which we expected to be some good old fashioned home cooking.

Imagine our disappointment as we sat down to lunch, reading a menu that fused French Polynesian specialties with proper French bistro cuisine, and then gorging ourselves on some fine, fine food. Our expectations of some good home cooking were completely obliterated - this isn't home cooking, unless your mom is a gourmet chef! We had a grand delusion of getting our untamable waistlines under control in Raiatea, dining on some good but simple food, but Chantal's culinary skill only continued to feed the beasts! Aside from a couple of lunches, we ate every other meal here, in the kind of place where, no matter how full you might be, you only want to keep on eating, and eating, and eating ...

There are some talented chefs out there that can do a certain type of cuisine well, but only that type - Chantal definitely isn't one of those, as she's obviously one of those cooks that can make anything taste good, and has mastered both French and local specialties, and we're guessing, the Chinese ones that are popular in French Polynesia, as well. We'll never know for sure, however, since the menu selections were far too great, and we never had the chance to adequately sample all of her offerings during our three nights here. This was probably a good thing, in the end, as we would've had to spend a small fortune on some new pants and shorts, had we stayed any longer!

Beyond the food, Fare Vai Nui was just an awesome place to stay, all around - trying to balance the budget for the trip, we stayed in some pretty spartan accommodations for the first half of the trip, so that we could splurge here in Raiatea, and our last stop in Bora Bora. That's both a good and a bad thing, however, as you spend a lot of time in your accommodations in French Polynesia, and choosing wisely can certainly enhance your experience. While there was nothing wrong with our selections in Papeete, Moorea, and Huahine, we probably would have enjoyed ourselves more had we spent a little more money ... but that would have meant skipping out on Fare Vai Nui. We completely lucked out upon arrival, as we had worried that our early morning flight would result in us sitting around all morning until the previous occupants had checked out, but it turned out that the second week of January is when tourism completely dies off in French Polynesia, meaning that we were the only people staying here for the first night! Immediately upon arrival, we were granted access to our cute little bungalow, which was complete luxury in comparison to our previous few accommodations. All sorts of room to stretch out and store our things, a little deck perfect for drinking wine and watching the sunset, and just a few steps away from our own little gourmet restaurant ... this is the definition of paradise!

In many ways, our stay in Raiatea, particularly our time in this little hotel, is the type of experience that all travelers seek, but rarely find. It's often quite difficult to truly connect with the local culture, but staying in this type of family-run accommodation can be a slice of the authentic life that we all seek. Jean Jacques and Chantal were hosting a friend during our time there, and locals also constantly came and went, eating at the hotel's restaurant. The young teenage son of Jean Jacques and Chantal was also constantly buzzing about, fishing from the pier whenever his mom would allow him to take a study break. Perhaps our best day in Raiatea was our first, when after lunch, Jean Jacques asked if we wanted to take a little boat ride - normally, this would be an extra, but this was complimentary, as he was taking his friend and son out anyway. Not only did we get in a wicked snorkeling session and some fishing, but we also were taken to a private motu, whose owners were obviously friends with Jean Jacques. We were instantly welcomed like old friends, people immediately shuffling to make room for us on a bench, glasses of sparkling wine and bottles of Tabu, the local vodka beer, magically appeared in our hands, as the group broke into song.

It's a scene that you could imagine being pitched in a cruise tour brochure - "Come to your own private motu, and have a refreshing drink of your choice while being serenaded by a local band, playing Tahitian classics." Doesn't get any more authentic than that, does it? Especially not when the evening is capped off with a dinner of the day's fresh catch, served up family-style with Jean Jacques'. I think we've found a little piece of home, here in Raiatea - at least, for the next few nights ...

Sunset From Petit Hotel Fare Vai Nui

Little Motus Around Raiatea

Lonely Little Boat

Private Motu ...

Island Paradise

Polynesian Party Shack

Polynesian Party

Cool Column of Rock

98 km ...

Tiny Little Island

Raiatea's Marina

Marae Taputapuatea ...

Coconut Sprouting Into a Palm Tree

Jean Jacques Fishing For Dinner

Me Catching Some Salad For Dinner

Don't Know The Name, But This Fish Was Good!

Don't Know The Name, But This Fish Was Also Good!

Cruising Back to Fare Vai Nui

The Four Bungalows

Our Little Bungalow

A Different Spin on Poisson Cru ...

Salade Perigourdine ...

Javanese Poisson Cru ...

Assorted Fish ...

Homemade Passion Fruit Sorbet

Homemade Lemon Basil Sorbet

Special Chao Men at Brasserie Maraamu ...

A Wicked Pineapple Beef ...

Rare Seared Tuna Amuse Bouche ...

Saumon des Dieux ...

Coq au Vin ...

Passion Fruit Mousse Cake ....

If there is really an example of complete and utter perfection, it may well be the pearl - not only is it perfectly-coloured with a perfect complexion, it's also perfectly-shaped. What's even more amazing about this, is that it's a byproduct of a completely organic process, mother nature at its finest. But silly me and my even sillier naivete - even though I knew that the whole concept of cultured pearls involved at least a small amount of human interference, I never imagined how intensive the process was!

I'm not sure whether or not it's a good thing that French Polynesia's purveyors of pearls are so upfront about their pearl culturing process, because while, on the one hand, the long and difficult process somehow justifies the high cost, it also obliterates the myth and romanticism of Mother Nature producing something so perfect. I always knew that pearl culturing involved man introducing something foreign into an oyster, which causes the oyster to try and reject it, and in the process, a beautiful pearl can be formed. But it was amazing to learn exactly how intrusive a process it is, tantamount to surgery, the equivalent of an oyster boob job!

First off, a suitable oyster is identified as a potential donor, an oyster that is known to produce certain desirable colours - a piece of its flesh, the mantle, is grafted into another oyster, in the hopes that it will result in a beautifully-coloured pearl. That in itself isn't so bad, but the kicker is that a piece of shell from another mollusk is implanted into the oyster, but only after it has been machined and polished into a perfectly-spherical shape. It makes sense in a lot of ways, because that's how you increase the odds of obtaining a perfectly-shaped pearl, but in many ways, it really devalues the pearl.

Back in the day, before pearl culturing became popular, the odds of obtaining a flawless and perfect pearl was infinitesimally small, which made that pearl all the more desirable, since they were impossible to find. But as with everything else in the world, humans always find a way to improve upon perfection, and have come up with a completely unnatural process to mimic the natural. Even then, it's still a completely flawed process that only results in a very small percentage of high-quality pearls, the majority still ending up misshapen, or pockmarked worse than an acne-ravaged pimply-faced teenager.

It's really enough to give you a headache, but luckily for us, there is a great cure for that in French Polynesia - grab another Hinano beer, stuff yourself with some more poisson cru, and then have a nap on yet another paradisiacal beach. That's far better than wracking your brain, trying to understand the sham that is pearl production!

Postcard Perfect ...

Must Be French Fish ...

Oyster Shell Jewelry ...

Nucleus ...

Different Grades ...

Implanting the Mantle and Nucleus

Rejection ...

Oyster Farm On the Lagoon ...

Waterfront Lunch For the Buddhas

Mascara Fish ...

Sharks!

Secluded Pier

Fish Trap ...

Cool, Refreshing Hinano Beer

Gimmicky But Good ...

Hungry Dog Waiting For Leftovers

Our Tour Guide/Ukelele Player

Cozying Up in a Shell Necklace ...

Beauty and the Beast ...

A Revelation ...

Worst Dessert Ever ...

Tuna Sashimi at the Huahine Yacht Club ...

Chinese-Style Duck ...

Crumbed Mahi Mahi w/ Grated Spicy Coconut ...

Big Coconuts ...

French Polynesian Ambiance ...

A Ton of Food ...

White Tuna in Vanilla Sauce at Chez Tara ...

Prawns in Coconut Curry ...

Melts Faster Than You Can Eat It ...

Tuna Burger at the Huahine Yacht Club ...

Chinese-Style Poisson Cru ...

Moorea is known as being one of the most beautiful islands in all of French Polynesia - well, we wouldn't really know, because it pissed rain for most of the three days that we were here! You could argue that travel experiences can often be all about the timing, so you could blame our luck for this poor weather, but we did make a conscious decision to visit French Polynesia during the rainy season, so there isn't really anyone to blame but ourselves.

Despite the grey and rain, we were still able to see what all the hype was about, especially when we did the obligatory lagoon tour, and getting to see some of the beautiful motus that dot this part of the South Pacific, tiny little private islands that are straight out of a shipwreck fantasy. The snorkeling wasn't half bad, either, with the typical stops for some swimming with stingrays and sharks. While highly questionable from an ethical standpoint, as the Sharks and rays are typically attracted by feeding, it's still quite the memorable experience.

For all of Moorea's beauty, the highlight was actually something quite unexpected - the food!!! We ran the full gamut of cuisines you could find in Moorea, from the Roulottes down the street from our hotel, for some huge and cheap sandwiches and incredible roasted chicken, to fancy continental cuisine found at five-star resorts, and even some fancy French cuisine, in addition to the more typical Tahitian-style foods on offer.

But it wasn't all good, as by far the worst meal we had was breakfast on the final meal at our hotel before flying off to Huahine, despite some very good accounts of the place. It was a rather plain breakfast buffet, and wasn't cheap, at something like $25 CAD. But the kicker? We didn't know at the time, but that price was for the continental breakfast, and when I took a small scoop of some horribly overcooked scrambled eggs that were oozing water, that triggered an additional $10 on top!

Eating in French Polynesia is all about the value, or quite often, the lack of value, and Moorea was a prime example - we paid a lot for our fancier meals, but they were excellent, so we felt that we received great value. Same goes for the excellent Roulotte meals and even our included buffet on the lagoon excursion, which were relatively cheap but still delicious. But $35 for a dubious breakfast buffet? That's the worst value anywhere, but sadly, all too common in this part of the world, where the rip-offs can be extreme.

Hitching a Ride ...

Off to Moorea!

Bungalows at Hotel Hibiscus in Moorea ...

Taking a Squat

Reminiscent of Table Mountain ...

The Sofitel ...

Faking the Good Overwater Bungalow Life ...

Restaurant at Hotel Hibiscus

Beaches of Moorea

Sting Rays ...

Funky Little Roadster For Rent ...

Pimped-Out Patio

Big Ass Hermit Crab ...

Overwater Bungalow For the Buddhas

Another Roulotte ...

Roulotte! ...

Best Roasted Chicken Ever ...

Island Salad at the Sofitel ...

Seafood Degustation ...

Pineapple Ravioli ...

Perfect Profiteroles ...

Soup Ingredients ...

Steamed Fish, Scallops, Shrimp w/ Sesame Oil ...

Lobster Ravioli ...

Salad With All Things Duck ...

Best Lagoon Excursion Lunch of the Whole Trip ...

If They Only Knew ...

The Wrong Head to Beer Ratio

Looks More Like Porky Pig Than Mickey Mouse!

Mushy Green Beans ...

Staggering Amount of Fruit ...

Annoying Plate ...

Can't Imagine How Amazing a Nutella Shake Would Be

No Thanks, Especially at $13 CDN a Shot!

Odd ...